I propose -

In the wake of today’s Environmental Protection Agency ruling declaring carbon dioxide and other greenhouses gases a public health threat, I am calling for an immediate ban on breathing – more specifically exhaling.

The average human exhales 1,140 grams of carbon dioxide each day, comparable to a car driving about five kilometers. Multiplied by some 6 billion people, this figures to about 2.5 billion tons of carbon dioxide each year.

Clearly if we hope to save the planet and humanity, we must stem this massive influx of CO2 into the atmosphere.

I will propose the breathing ban take effect immediately upon passage by the legislature. It will remain in effect for approximately 15 minutes.

My family, hand chosen individuals and I will receive an exemption from this legislation due to the necessity of maintaining my brilliance for the further furtherance of humanity.

Citizens may apply for their breathing offset credit through the Department of Breathing Regulation. Automatic government credits will be provided for all citizens taking less then 250,000 breaths per year.

The Department of Breathing Regulation will label any world citizen found circumventing this law without documentation of approved breathing offset credits as a right wing extremist and will summarily shoot them.

Some my oppose this legislation, but I will simply remind my fellow citizens that the science is settled and we must act now to avoid cataclysmic and irreversible consequences.

Have a nice day.